Whether you are a parent of an 8th grader or a junior (buckle up!), you are likely to have concerns or questions about college admissions. And to be sure, the process can be daunting, even for families where both parents went to college themselves. Most parents don’t understand just how different the college landscape is from when they applied to college. (What, exactly, is yield protection?) Add in the hyper-competitiveness of elite college admissions, and it can make even the most scrupulous parents start to worry that they haven’t done enough to help their child prepare. But if the news about the admissions cheating scandal from a few years ago has inspired dinner table conversations, I hope some of them have included a discussion about how only chasing admittance to a select number of prestigious schools is, at best short-sighted and at worst, causing harm to our watchful children. That said, I know that parents want to do everything in their power to help their children succeed. In lieu of donating a wing to your student’s top college pick, I offer five ways you can really support your college-bound student with your ethics and wallet (at least until the first tuition bill arrives) intact.

1. Relax

Really. Breathe. There are roughly 3,500 accredited colleges in the U.S., a majority of which offer admission to 75% or more of applicants, which means your student is very likely to have a lot of fantastic options when it comes to college choice. Most importantly, not getting into one of the roughly 100 very selective colleges with high rejection rates won’t doom anyone to failure in life. Don’t believe me? Check out Frank Bruni’s book, Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be for fact-filled proof.

2. Focus on Fit

Speaking of college choice, I encourage students and families to cast a wide net when it comes to developing a college list. Explore both large universities and small liberal arts colleges in big cities and rural areas. The final college list should be balanced and tailored to a student’s unique interests and profile. It should offer the type of academic and social environment in which your student will flourish and grow. Helping your student find colleges that fit their actual needs--not the ones of peers, society, or even parents--can increase their chances of success (in college and beyond).

3. Let Your Child Take the Lead

Whenever you can, try to take a step back. Encourage your student to research colleges, interact with admissions professionals, and curate summer plans on their own. This doesn’t mean being uninvolved; however, if you are working your network to secure a summer internship instead of letting them pound the pavement or make some cold calls for a job, you’re robbing them of an opportunity to develop skills and grow. Remember, in a little over a year, you’ll be packing their bags and sending them off into the world. Make sure they're ready.

4. Don’t Start Too Early

This isn’t to say that you won’t be thinking about college or having conversations that relate to future plans with your student, but it’s important to keep the pressure off as long as you can. No freshman in high school should be freaking out because they haven’t discovered an artistic passion or spent a summer conducting scientific research. Some ways to support your younger high schooler without applying pressure include, asking your child about their favorite classes and course assignments (this can launch discussions, not directives, about summer plans or future coursework); talking about after-school activities and why a student might feel passionate (or not) about them; and even visiting colleges to take in sports events or other activities or to view exhibits.

5. Support Your Student’s Passions and Interests

I have heard the question, “When can I quit Activity X?” more than a few times, which is a sure sign that a student may have stuck with something a lot longer than they wanted to. The way to avoid a battle over piano (or football or chess) is to let your student explore their interests early, understanding that some people really don’t develop passions until later in life. Colleges fill their classes with a mix of angular and well-rounded students. Listen to your child, ask questions about what they enjoys doing in their spare time, and offer to brainstorm different ways they can explore interests. Give your child the time and opportunity to develop their own unique path.